Archive for April, 2018

Liz Said It Best

I may have been disappointed with recent events but I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I try to live by the words of Elizabeth Taylors:

“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.”

I thought it was time to remind readers of her words.

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Disappointment Drive 20

I met a man at a local performing arts center last week. I struck up a conversation with him in the lobby of one of the theaters after attending a lecture. He was a handsome man who I thought was in md-fifties. He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans and a pair of Vans. His jeans accentuated his glutes making it hard not to sneak looks. He was a nice guy who made conversation easy. He was waiting for a female friend who I assumed to be his girlfriend. I wasn’t getting a gay vibe at all. He excused himself when he received a text from his son who needed to be picked up. I bid him adieu and headed to the parking garage. As I approached my car the man reappeared. He handed me piece of paper with his name and phone number. He asked me to call or text if I was interested. His friend drove up and he hopped in her car and left. I was stunned. I got in my car only to sit there is disbelief. Did this this really happen to me? It had been ages since a guy gave me his phone number.

I waited a day before I texted him. The texting continued over the next several days. The texts increasingly showed he was interested in getting to know me and spend time together. I finally called him on Wednesday evening. We talked for almost two hours. Again the conversation flowed. Arrangements were made to meet at my house on Saturday night and then head out for dinner. After I hung up I panicked. I didn’t meet him online so he wasn’t able to read a profile which disclosed my HIV status. I had to come out to him as a poz guy.

I called him on Thursday night. During our ninety minute conversation I disclosed my status. It came as a shock to him. He didn’t have a lot of experience with guys so it was the last thing he expected me to tell him. I explained undetectable status, prep and safe sex practices. I asked him to do his research before making a decision about proceeding.

I never heard from him again. I texted him on Friday night but he didn’t respond. I was cock blocked by HIV again. I was disappointed. It felt good to know a man was interested in me. I sensed a connection with this man. I thought it had the possibility of turning into more than a one time encounter. I didn’t think he would be my next partner but he was certainly boyfriend material. Or so I thought.

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Getting Ready For A Great Day

Just a post to share an incredible photograph by Steven Meisel. He’s a master at his craft. It’s hard to believe this photograph is 27 years old yet is still timeless.
Linda Evangelista in Dolce & Gabbana, black & white photograph, 1991.

I like to immerse myself in art when I have a personal setback. More to come.

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Do You ParTy?

I find it rather shocking how many times, in recent years as a single man, I’ve been asked if I parTy. For those of you not familiar with the implication of capital the T, it is code for meth. It seems as if T use is rampant among gay men here. I’ve known men who have ruined their lives as a result of meth addiction. It’s a road I’d rather not go down as I’ve been down a similar road in my twenties. I wonder if other readers are having the same type of experiences in their communities.

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A Blessing

I’ve been HIV+ since I was twenty-seven. I was diagnosed when AIDS was a death sentence. There were no drugs to stave off the infection. I tried all the early drugs that have now fallen out of favor. I’ve been on numerous combinations of drugs over the years. Thankfully, my present routine has kept my viral load undetectable and my t-cell count at a respectable number.

I saw this poster at my doctor’s office on Monday. It depicts the current roster of HIV medications. I remember when there were no options. Now there are numerous options for those of us who are HIV+. It’s truly a blessing.

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Looking For Inspiration

Here’s a photo of Sophia Loren and Jayne Mansfield to keep you entertained until I can find inspiration for post.

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Fix A Cup Of Tea

I disconnected my cable service. I had the service for 28 years. My Comcast bill had risen to $170 a month. It seems like every month the bill increased because of an increase in taxes, fees on some other reason. I didn’t think the service was worth the price Comcast charged. The monthly bill did not include internet or phone service. When I called to disconnect the service, the agent offered to reduce my bill. I expected to be offered a price reduction as part of a customer retention program but I refused. I question why Comcast didn’t proactively contact me to reduce my bill.

Morgan, a friend from the gym, suggested getting an Amazon Fire Stick along with Netflix and an antenna for local channels. I can add HBO and Showtime to a Fire Stick and have almost the same level of service. I only watched a handful of the channels Comcast provided. I cut the cord and returned to cable box to Comcast.

I bought a Fire Stick and subscribed to Netflix but have yet to add any other extra channels. So far, I’ve been enjoying several series from England on Netflix, especially, Last Tango In Halifax. I have learned one thing. When the English have a dilemma, they fix a cup of tea. You find out your high school age daughter is pregnant. You fix a cup of tea. You get a speeding ticket. You go home and fix a cup of tea. Your cable bill is too expensive. You fix a cup of tea. Your house burns down. The neighbors fix tea for everyone at the scene. You get the picture. I’m going to fix a cup of tea while I ponder how to add MSNBC to my Fire Stick.

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Coal Or Uranium

I was reading the comments on a post over at Sooo-this-is me. One commenter named, Mike, was describing his experiences as a young man trying to get a job at the National Security Agency. His story reminded me of my ex’s experience getting a security clearance when he worked as a nuclear physicist. My ex was interrogated by man in his mid-fifties. When my ex admitted to being gay, the man asked my ex if he had sex with minors. My ex asked if he meant coal or uranium miners. The man closed his notebook and left the room. A woman came in to finish the interrogation. My ex got his security clearance.

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Hotdogs For Dinner

I had hotdogs for dinner last night before the art tour. One of Paddy’s clients owns a Vienna Sausage hotdog restaurant just south of the galleries on Santa Fe Drive. Paddy, JP and I stopped in for a nitrate laden dinner. It wasn’t the best choice of food for dinner but it was quick and got the job done.

The art tour was uneventful for me. I’d seen all the current shows and there were no new openings. Paddy found a few things he a liked but refrained from buying as he still has not done his taxes and fears he owes money.

There are some colorful works on paper, canvas and board by Bill Ballas at Spark Gallery:

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Disappointment Drive 19

Until recently, I’ve been reluctant to pursue any dating opportunities given my many trips down disappointment drive. Two weeks ago, I logged onto Plenty of Dead Fish. I came across an interesting profile of a man who seemed sincere and honest in his profile. He was my age and his physical attributes were to my liking. Here’s an excerpt from his profile:

“I like kind/thoughtful/considerate/loving/passionate/fun-loving/secure/non-judgemental men. Seek guy who cares about world affairs/environmental/social causes. I’m sensitive and respect others. Contact me. C where it goes. There’s so much more to me than words in this profile could ever convey to you. Hope to meet a sweet man.”

I sent the man a message. I took time to compose a meaningful response. I detailed why I thought I matched many of the qualities he was looking for in a man. The man read my message. He has yet to reply. It’s been two weeks. I guess he doesn’t really respect others, or he would have sent a reply, even if it was to say he wasn’t interested.

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