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Archive for the ‘dating’ Category

Confessions Of A Homewrecker

I had brunch with the detective on Sunday (Disappointment Drive 23). He’s no longer a detective but I like referring to him that way. He’s now a successful entrepreneur dabbling in a few things, some of which are law enforcement related. He’s a lot of fun and we seem to click. I have a good time with him. Sadly, he’s married to another man. The detective’s husband is in love with another man. It’s a failing or failed marriage. Double A called me a homewrecker the other day. I pointed out the home was already wrecked when I met the detective. And he told me he was single when I met him.

Why have all the men I’ve met since I’ve been single have been duds, except for the detective? I expect the detective will have a messy divorce since he’s been supporting the household for many years. His younger partner doesn’t seem to have significant income-earning potential. The detective is planning on filling for divorce in January if his husband doesn’t stop seeing the man he’s involved with. Planning doesn’t necessarily mean he will file for divorce. Can the detective save his marriage? Will he want to save it? There’s a lot to ponder.

I don’t need to be involved in a mess like this. I need to walk away.

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Disappointment Drive 23

I met a guy who told me he was single even though he was wearing a wedding band. When I asked about the ring, he told he wasn’t out at work and used the ring for cover (I think you know where this is going). He told me he was a detective for a local law enforcement agency. I immediately wondered if he was going to run my plates and do a background check. I have nothing to hide. I always disclose my felony convictions for money laundering and insider trading.

We meet a second time. During our conversation he starts a sentence with “we”. Who could we be? I ask who we is. He admits to having a partner. I remind him he told me he was single. It seems he defines single differently than I do. His partner is 20 years younger. They’ve been together for 18 years. The partner has fallen in love with another man and spends most of his time at the other man’s house. The detective sees himself as single. There’s a long-term relationship and household that needs to be dissolved. It’s the new single.

One would think there has been a sufficient number of red flags and lies to make me run the other way. I haven’t so far. I like the detective. He’s a few years older than me, in great shape and has some hot ink which is only seen when he is shirtless. Conversations are easy and he compliments me. He’s easy to be around. On the other hand, there’s a partner, a relationship and the lies he told me. I can’t help wonder what is really true. I don’t need a man’s partner showing up at my house wondering why his husband has been at my house.

I know I should stay away from the detective but I continue to text with him. He’s the first man in a long time that I have wanted to see more than once. I question if he really is ending his relationship given the false statements he has made. Can I believe anything he has told me? Am I compromising my values by getting entangled with a man in a relationship? Have I become desperate? Am I just the rebound guy? Is the detective Mr. Right Now, and not Mr. Right? I think I know the answer to the last question. I’m not sure how to answer the other questions.

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Disappointment Drive 22

I never started the car on this drive.

A guy pings me while I’m online. He fits my desired demographic, meaning he’s around my age along with being HWP. We chat back and forth. The conversation flowed. He’s only been out for short time and wants to get to know a guy before the big bang. He asks where I live. He’s just across the creek, a few blocks north of the mall. He wants to get together to see if we click. I remark that based on my experience most newly out guys usually shy away from poz guys. I can see he looks at my profile again. He responds by telling me he didn’t realize I’m a poz guy. He wants to stay DDF and doesn’t want to risk getting infected. He withdraws his invitation to meet. I wanted to ask if English was a second language for him as my profile clearly states I’m HIV positive undetectable. I also wanted to give him a lecture on what undetectable means. Instead, I followed Shelly O’s advice and took the high road. I wish him good luck with his quest and told him to play safe. The Internet doesn’t need another bitchy gay man doling out snarky comments.

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Potential Mates

Morgan is a guy I met at the gym. He’s late sixties. He’s been in an open relationship for fifteen years with Kenny, who is a few years younger than Morgan. It’s been interesting hanging out with these guys and their friends. Many of their friends are also in open relationships. Morgan and Kenny openly discuss their encounters with other men. Both are free to do as they please. There appears to be no jealousy or conflicts caused by their hook ups.

Morgan has decided it’s his mission in life to introduce me to as many potential mates as possible. He’s invited me to happy hours and parties. I have yet to meet a guy I’d like to see on a regular basis.

The last potential mate sounded promising at first. There were a lot of common interests. He was a few years younger than me. He was a nice looking man who was in shape. The only issue was he’s suffering financially. I don’t know why he’s in financial distress, but he can’t afford a $900 a month apartment and has to move to a rented room in a house in the suburbs. I declined to meet the man.

I may have passed on a nice guy but I don’t want support a man. I don’t want to have to always pick up the tab. I’ve saved for my retirement, I didn’t save for a partner’s retirement. My ex and I maintained separate retirement accounts. For most of our relationship, we were financial equals. We didn’t need each other’s financial resources. We equally shared the cost of supporting the household. The thought of having a financially strapped boyfriend is not appealing. I don’t want to be taken care of, and I don’t want to take care of a partner. I may miss out on some good guys, but one has to question their character if they don’t have their financial house in order.

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Disappointment Drive 21

I had a coffee date yesterday afternoon. It turned out to be a disappointment drive but that’s partially my fault. I knew the guy was smoker but he told me he was cutting down and trying to quit. The first thing he asked after settling down at an outdoor table was if he could smoke. So much for cutting down. He was an interesting man but he needs to learn how to sell himself. In the first few minutes, I found out he had two heart attacks, has two ex-wives and a twenty-something son. He was engaging in conversation and interesting but he talked mostly about himself for the first hour, which didn’t win him any points. He had a fascinating career but now lives off two pension checks, one from the state and one from the federal government. He admitted he didn’t have a savings to fall back on. He left the door open for a second meeting for lunch or dinner but there’s no spark. He could be an interesting friend.

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Party Of Three

I had plans to meet Mike at Trade last night. It was underwear night which can be quite entertaining. Neither one of us were going to check our clothes. Mike cancelled via text just as I arrived at the bar. Normally, I don’t like going to bars by myself as I tend to just observe the other patrons and rarely ever meet anyone. Last night was different. I met a nice guy just one year younger than me. He’s lived on three continents and has traveled extensively. He was educated and well spoken. The conversation flowed so easily and he was easy on the eyes. Then he introduced me to his husband. Another equally as handsome man. Another couple in an open relationship who play together, and play apart. Another married couple not wearing wedding rings. Subtle hints were dropped. It was getting late so I excused myself and headed home.

I seem to be a magnet for guys in open relationships. Many of the men I meet around my age who are partnered have open relationships. I’m not opposed to an open relationship. Every couple has to mutually agree on the terms and condition of their relationship. I’m not sure that getting involved with a couple is a path I want to journey down. It could be fun. Ideally, I’d like to date a guy and see where that leads. What do you think?

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1,000 Miles Away

I ran into the man from Disappoinmentt Drive 18 in the Target parking lot near my house. He stopped and asked about my car’s color and the blacked out grill. I told him it was a new color for the 2018 model year while the grill was an added cost option. I didn’t recognize him at first. Then I saw his teeth. I reminded him we met before he went to jail. We chatted for about a half hour. It was like watching a car accident happen. I could not stop myself from asking questions and he seemed happy to supply answers.

The man has not had a drink for nine months. That’s a good thing because he was arrested nine times for drunk driving. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail but spent 105 days confined. Time was added to his sentence for being involved in two fights while incarcerated. He lost his job when he went to jail so he’s now working on small construction projects and driving a tow truck. He said he’d give me a free tow if I ever needed one. Thankfully, my car has roadside service included in the warranty. He hasn’t had his teeth fixed but he did get his teenage son braces. It was nice to know he put his child’s needs ahead of his. He’s got a girlfriend because dating guys is too much trouble and guys are too picky. I do like guys with all their teeth. You can call me picky. He still has sex with men but often has MMF and MMMF encounters with his girlfriend. His girlfriend procures the men. He was arrested in February for possession with intent to distribute. The story about finding meth and crack in a gym bag in the parking lot of an arcade was convoluted. I just nodded my head while listening to the story.

I dodged a huge bullet on this one. I can’t help but wonder how a person’s life can go so far off the rails. It makes getting ghosted seem insignificant. It’s also odd how this man would tell me anything and didn’t seem to have any shame about drunk driving arrests, going to jail and getting arrested for possession.

Our lives could not be more different. It’s eye opening to meet a person whose life choices have taken them in a direction that seems like a 1,000 miles from my life. It makes me thankful for the life I have.

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