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The End Of Crazy Barb

Crazy Barb was moved into a memory care facility this week. She’ll live out the rest of her life in a very nice, but very expensive, elder care center. It’s a long sad tale that played out over the last few months. Mike made the arrangements and dealt with doctors as Barb has no relationship with her daughter. Barb gave Mike power of attorney a few years ago so he’s been able to take care of financial matters. The police have been involved twice in the last few weeks. Barb’s BMW was impounded after a traffic stop just two blocks from her house. The car is currently at Mike’s office waiting to be sold. Barb’s daughter has no interest in the house so Mike has to sell it too. It’s an unfortunate situation. What would have happened to Barb if Mike didn’t live across the street? Who would have stepped in the make sure she got the proper care? It makes me wonder what will happen to me when I’m at the end of my life.

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I encountered a friend’s profile on an online dating site. He listed his age a sixty-two. A few days later I found his profile on a different site. He listed his age as fifty-six. He’s actually seventy-two. Did you think only women lied about their age?

Why Online Dating?

I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m trying online dating. It’s simple. Mike threatened to set up a profile for me using pictures he had of me from a recent birthday party plus pictures from an afternoon spent by his pool. It seems every gay online profile needs at least one shirtless picture. Can you imagine a dating site where the women were all topless? There probably is one.

I’ve socialized with same people for years and I always seem to talk to the same people when I go out. I set up a profile I could control. It’s a whole new world.

I could probably do a comedic stand-up routine about gay online dating. I find it funny when a guy says he’s 5’11’ and 170 lbs while the picture shows a guy with a big spare tire. That’s my height and weight so I know what the guy should look like. I don’t have a spare tire. I think women would be shocked at the number of married men who are looking for guys online. I had one offer from a married guy who lives in one of the affluent idyllic western suburbs. He and his married buddy keep a place in a pricey Golden Triangle high-rise for extracurricular activities. He bangs guys while his buddy bangs gals. I wonder how they hide those expenses from their wives.

Here are a few tips if you’re going to post pictures online. Clean the mirror first if you’re going to take a selfie in the bathroom mirror. Do you really think I want to meet you if your bathroom mirror is that dirty? Pay attention to your surroundings. Do you really want to post a picture with vacuum in background, underwear on the floor and basket of dirty laundry next to the bed? I don’t expect you to have Paris Hilton’s selfie skills but take time to look at the photo before you post it. This is a marketing exercise so you want to make yourself as appealing as possible. The little details count.

I don’t have high expectations. At the very least I’ll meet some interesting people and have a lot of tales to tell.

True Words

Did you read the Frances McDormand interview in the New York Times this weekend? Check this out:

Looking old, she said, should be a boast about experiences accrued and insights acquired, a triumphant signal “that you are someone who, beneath that white hair, has a card catalog of valuable information.”

The actress learned at the start of her career not to care too much about appearances. “I was often told that I wasn’t a thing,” she said. “ ‘She’s not pretty enough, she’s not tall enough, she’s not thin enough, she’s not fat enough.’ I thought, ‘O.K., someday you’re going to be looking for someone not, not, not, not, and there I’ll be.’ ”

You have to love this woman. You can read the whole interview here.

I had a Saturday lunch date with a guy I met online. It didn’t turn out as well as I thought it would. He was a nice guy. He’s religious and very in touch with his faith. His profile said he was fifty-three but I thought he looked older. He said his mother just turned ninety-five and is still driving. That meant his mother was around forty-two when he was born. In my mind I began to question if it was common for women in their forties to have babies back in 1961. A small red flag went up. He asked me about my past relationships so I gave him a quick overview of my three major relationships. He has never been in a relationship. A big red flag went up. Lunch ended and we went our separate ways. He said he wanted to get together again. I agreed but I think I’ll keep this one on the friend level. I didn’t find much of spark with him. The adventure has begun.

Wasted Time

I spent sixty-five hours testing code on a project that is due today. The engineering requirements were written by a business analyst who can’t write a decent sentence to save her life. Many of my sentence of day posts come from her emails. Two days ago it was discovered that seventy percent of engineering requirements were wrong and had to be rewritten, recoded and retested. I started the project over on Thursday. This morning I find out that I have to start over again as the requirements I tested yesterday were still not correct. I’m back to square one today. The project will be at least a week late which will have ripple effect on the rest of the production cycle. It’s a good thing I get paid by the hour and not by the job.

It’s Friday and it’s time for art. Fritz and I are hitting the galleries tonight. I look forward to getting away from the laptop and out in the real world.

Sentence Of The Day

I’ve been slammed at work. Got this gem in an email this morning:

I did ask to re-confirm that this is really the way they want this done and they came back with Yes the second way and checked with the product manager.

I’m so happy we’re going with the second way. Do I dare ask what is meant by the second way?

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